Thursday, August 12, 2010

just thinking. what else is new.

So I find myself thinking more than ever this past week. I mean i have always a complete pyscho analytical person. but its getting really bad. I let my thoughts really bring me down sometimes and create this mood that will linger for sometimes days on in. I think about stupid stuff. little insignificant things that most people would never think to think of.(lol) so here are some of my thoughts.
my friends, who the true friends are and my lack of guy friends. I know I hang out with mostly girls. ever since I was little. I assume it has to do something with the fact that my parents divorced and i have spent my entire life with two girls. because of this I admit i can be for lack of a better term a little "bitch" sometimes. but im not gay at all. and that has been something that has been asked of me constantly since about age 10.
who I have become in life. im kind of tired of it. this analytical mind. and my personality. which some people love. but you know its just one of those things where you have to say "so what. who cares??"
college. i have no idea where I would like to attend. and not too mention my grades arent exactly stellar and my SAT scores suck. school just boggles me.
my weight. yeah im weight conscience. that sucks too. and not so much lately. some working out and i've been pretty satisfied.
what I want to do with my life. I HAVE NO IDEA.
what have i done with my life so far? nothing. at all. I recently visited this amazingly talented kid. hes good at lots o things. for a moment i was jealous, but envy will destroy anything. so I let it go. but he really got me thinking "there is not one thing I am completely good at" which is ok. but there isnt anything that I am at least working on. like music. I have completely let music out of my lif save the fact that I am in choir. but it doesnt compare to sitting down with an actual instrument.it really dissapoints me. but for this one i am taking the initiative. cello. that is the instrument i have always wanted to master. and piano, maybe even more so then cello. and I want to pick up my lost, tenor. and maybe flute???iidddk.
there is so much more but, getting this much off my chest is satisfying enough. yesssssss the feeling of relief is glorious.P.S. im sorry if some parts dont make sense grammatically cause I didn't feel like editing. I just let my hands take control.

1 comment:

  1. i love you. the end.
    & also: surrender. you're not really in control anyways, so might as well admit that Jesus has got it all handled.
    but that's a lot easier said than done.

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